It's been a fun and interesting journey. When I started modeling, I didn't think I was especially good at it. And in all honesty, I didn't enjoy it all that much either. But after several years of experience and experiences and of course all the awesome artwork... I grew to really love it. And really got quite good at it.
And now, I can't do it anymore. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't angry about it. I am angry about it, and sad too. I spent a long time building my career up, building up a good reputation, a good portfolio. And now? poof
I have the portfolio to show for it. And for that I am very grateful. Remembering times when I posed on the roof edge of a five story building, the time I posed underwater with barracudas and jellyfish. Remembering standing on one foot for 20 minutes for the art students. All things I can't do anymore. Medications, balance issues, vision issues, fatigue issues, inability to be out in daylight. It all blows. But the images stay. A piece of artwork I get to keep.
I miss it. I don't miss waking up at dawn. I don't miss washing my face 6 times to get all the makeup off. I don't miss sleeping in hair rollers. I don't miss the heels. But I do miss the artists. The photographers, the painters, the sculptors. I miss the collaboration to make art. I miss the art of making the art.
I am also an artist and a photographer. So I still get to create. But since I still cannot manage appointments very well, that leaves me, myself, and I to collaborate with. However, I still get to model on occasion, and I still get to photograph a model on occasion. Because I can photograph myself. It's a pain in the rear, and it would be easier with another person posing, but I make do. It allows me to still photograph people, and it allows me to still pose. Still miss those other artists though.
Perhaps a new medication for migraines will emerge soon, or better yet a cure. Then I can really get back to doing what I'm good at. Until then, I make the best of it.